I'd announced on my FFN account that I wanted to discontinue with my Gakuen Alice fic, "With These Broken Wings We Fall," but right now I kind of want to continue it--even if the plot is slightly Mary Sueish. I took a Mary Sue litmus test, and for now, it seems Inari's not a Mary Sue. She scored a 15, and 0-16 ranks as "not a Mary Sue." Admittedly, Sayuri only scored a 9 and Tori a -1, but I think that's considerably good. I might continue with it, but I have to get chapter 3 sorted out. I started it a couple different times, but I never published it. Chapter 2 was the hardest, but I eventually worked that out.
This is the fail chapter for #2:
Mikan and Inari walked to geometry, taught by Jinno-sensei. Over the past week and a half the two girls had become very close. Mikan could easily relate to how Sumire and the other girls were treating Inari. When she entered the school three years ago, they acted the same way. Naturally, Mikan sympathized with her. She was hoping that it wouldn't last that way for long. When they were promoted to sixth grade, the other girls treated Mikan like a normal person. If she could be friends with Inari, maybe they could take to her sooner. Of course Natsume didn't think much of her. He never was the social type. When Mikan introduced the two, he looked at her for a short moment and grunted.
"Your partner sure is rude," Inari said. "Does he treat everyone like that?"
Mikan sighed. "Yeah... He's a real jerk most of the time, but he would do anything to protect his friends," she said.
'He has friends?' Inari thought. "Um... ok," she said.
"You're lucky you sit in the back in math. If you sat up front or toward the middle, Jin-jin would never let you hear the end of it!"
"Heh... I'm sure I'll get it sometime. I caught him glaring at me once or twice. Unless it was dog girl?" Mikan laughed.
"I bet it was!" she said. "So have they chosen a partner for you yet?"
"Not yet. I just hope Jinno doesn't pick. He'll give me someone that'll make my life a living hell!"
"Naru-sensei picked Natsume to be mine. If you're lucky, Misaki-sensei will pick someone reasonable for you," she chirped.
"Let's hope."
-
Jinno wrote meaningless equations on the blackboard at the front of the room. As far as Inari was concerned, it was all a bunch of nonsense. Every time that man spoke, she felt a little piece of her soul die. It wasn't exactly hard, but Jinno's voice was like nail's scraping on a chalkboard! She sighed.
"Is there something you'd like to share with the class, Konoe?" Jinno glared at her.
"No," she lied.
"Then I assume you can tell me the answer to this problem?" Inari grimaced.
"Um... six feet squared?" she guessed. Jinno narrowed his eyes, and his hand sparked with blue electricity. He walked slowly toward her desk and...
Boom. He destroyed a small part of her desk and left the area around it simmering. Inari gaped at him.
"I suggest you pay attention, Konoe, or else you will receive punishment. I swear, hanging around Sakura must have had an effect on you," he said as he bent down to her eye level. "Now, your homework tonight is pages 60-61 problems 1-60." Everyone groaned just before the lunch bell rang.
"Way to go, shrimp girl. It's your fault Jinno piled on the homework today," Natsume grumbled as he packed his books away. [1]
"Your partner sure is rude," Inari said. "Does he treat everyone like that?"
Mikan sighed. "Yeah... He's a real jerk most of the time, but he would do anything to protect his friends," she said.
'He has friends?' Inari thought. "Um... ok," she said.
"You're lucky you sit in the back in math. If you sat up front or toward the middle, Jin-jin would never let you hear the end of it!"
"Heh... I'm sure I'll get it sometime. I caught him glaring at me once or twice. Unless it was dog girl?" Mikan laughed.
"I bet it was!" she said. "So have they chosen a partner for you yet?"
"Not yet. I just hope Jinno doesn't pick. He'll give me someone that'll make my life a living hell!"
"Naru-sensei picked Natsume to be mine. If you're lucky, Misaki-sensei will pick someone reasonable for you," she chirped.
"Let's hope."
-
Jinno wrote meaningless equations on the blackboard at the front of the room. As far as Inari was concerned, it was all a bunch of nonsense. Every time that man spoke, she felt a little piece of her soul die. It wasn't exactly hard, but Jinno's voice was like nail's scraping on a chalkboard! She sighed.
"Is there something you'd like to share with the class, Konoe?" Jinno glared at her.
"No," she lied.
"Then I assume you can tell me the answer to this problem?" Inari grimaced.
"Um... six feet squared?" she guessed. Jinno narrowed his eyes, and his hand sparked with blue electricity. He walked slowly toward her desk and...
Boom. He destroyed a small part of her desk and left the area around it simmering. Inari gaped at him.
"I suggest you pay attention, Konoe, or else you will receive punishment. I swear, hanging around Sakura must have had an effect on you," he said as he bent down to her eye level. "Now, your homework tonight is pages 60-61 problems 1-60." Everyone groaned just before the lunch bell rang.
"Way to go, shrimp girl. It's your fault Jinno piled on the homework today," Natsume grumbled as he packed his books away. [1]
"Don't call me shrimp, Mr. Dark and Gloomy! Jeez, you never have anything good to say, do you?" Inari said. "I swear, Mikan! How do you put up with him?!"
"I don't. Three years of being his partner and he still acts like the jerk he was in elementary school," Mikan said.
"You're one to talk. I swear you have some hyperactivity disorder! You can't sit still for five minutes! She acts like she's going to jump out of her seat!"
Baka! Baka! Baka! Baka! Baka! Hotaru's baka gun shot at Mikan and Natsume.
"Whyyy, Hotaruuu?!" Mikan cried overdramatically.
"If you wouldn't act like such an idiot, that wouldn't happen."
"They're ganging up on me, Inariii!" she whined to her friend. But Inari stopped her from hugging her.
"I can't help you here, Mikan... You got yourself into this one," she said and gave the girl a small smile. Mikan sniffed and looked at Ruka.
"What do you think, Ruka-pyon?"
"Well, I..." he looked away.
"Ruka... Pyon?" Inari said. Natsume smacked his hand to his forehead.
"I can't believe she still calls him that. Why not just call him Ru-chan?" he mumbled. Inari snickered.
"Stop that!" Ruka said with a remarkable blush on his cheeks. "It's not funny!"
"Ok, ok. Whatever you say, Ru-chan," Inari burst out laughing.
"I don't. Three years of being his partner and he still acts like the jerk he was in elementary school," Mikan said.
"You're one to talk. I swear you have some hyperactivity disorder! You can't sit still for five minutes! She acts like she's going to jump out of her seat!"
Baka! Baka! Baka! Baka! Baka! Hotaru's baka gun shot at Mikan and Natsume.
"Whyyy, Hotaruuu?!" Mikan cried overdramatically.
"If you wouldn't act like such an idiot, that wouldn't happen."
"They're ganging up on me, Inariii!" she whined to her friend. But Inari stopped her from hugging her.
"I can't help you here, Mikan... You got yourself into this one," she said and gave the girl a small smile. Mikan sniffed and looked at Ruka.
"What do you think, Ruka-pyon?"
"Well, I..." he looked away.
"Ruka... Pyon?" Inari said. Natsume smacked his hand to his forehead.
"I can't believe she still calls him that. Why not just call him Ru-chan?" he mumbled. Inari snickered.
"Stop that!" Ruka said with a remarkable blush on his cheeks. "It's not funny!"
"Ok, ok. Whatever you say, Ru-chan," Inari burst out laughing.
*I stopped there, and the #1 was meant to explain that Inari means shrimp, so Natsume likes to poke fun at her for it. I did have some future chapters planned out. I already know how things would have ended up (hint: the story description warns of character death)
"Ah, Miss Konoe. What a pleasure it is to see you this evening," the Elementary Principal said in an eerie voice. Inari looked at him in disgust. "What's with that awful face? I brought you here to make you an offer you couldn't possibly refuse."
"What do you want?" she spat.
"You should know, as a member of the Dangerous Class, that it is one of your duties to carry out missions for the academy. By now, you would have been assigned one, but you've been lucky that some of your superiors have been fighting for your rights. I feel that it is time you carry out the responsibilities of a Dangerous Class member and join them on their missions."
Inari glared at the stout man. Who did he think he was? He was practically giving her a death sentence! She crossed her arms and examined him skeptically.
"What's in it for me?" she said.
"You remember Konoe Kyoko, don't you? I mean surely you couldn't have forgotten about your own sister," he smirked. Inari's eyes widened to the size of saucers.
"W-what did you do to her? What did you do to my sister?!" she demanded.
"Don't worry, we haven't done anything to her yet. But tell me, Inari-chan- when was the last time you saw her?" She thought back to her childhood, before her parents discovered her Alice. She remembered playing with her sister all the time, but when she was about seven, Kyoko practically disappeared. At the time, Inari didn't understand what happened. Her mother and father tried everything they could to protect both of their children, but their efforts were practically wasted on the day their youngest daughter was taken from them.
"Where is my sister?! What did you do with Kyo?!" She pounded her fist on the principal's desk.
"Now, now. No need to be so ill-tempered. If you cooperate with me, I might allow you to see her again," he said. Inari furrowed her eyebrows and closed her eyes to think for a minute.
'What should I do? I know he just wants to use me, but I really want to see Kyo! But what if it's a trap? Maybe he won't really let me see her at all.'
"I'll give you a couple days to think about it. If you choose to work for me, I may allow you to see your sister. If not, there may be consequences," he said. "You are excused."
Inari turned to leave the creepy office. She rubbed her temples and sighed a heavy sigh. "Oh, and one more thing. If you decide to accept my offer, I promise to promote your friend, Sakura Mikan, to a three star."
She slammed the door behind her on her way out. Inari frowned. Trading her freedom for her friend's social status didn't seem worth it. She felt kind of selfish for a bit for putting her feelings before others', but she realized that the Elementary Principal wasn't going to use her for anything good. Ruka told her about how they work Natsume to the bone. His missions were hard on his health, and they weren't exactly ordered with good intentions. Besides, Mikan would never want her to do their dirty work to give her extra benefits.
'What should I do, Mikan?' she thought.
xXxXx
"He WHAT?!" Mikan screamed at the top of her lungs. Inari lay on her best friend's bed and stared at the ceiling.
"He really tried to bribe me. I didn't know what to say, Mikan. I don't want them to do anything bad to you or the others, and I would never forgive myself if something happened to Kyo," she said.
"I say no! He'll have you right where he wants you, and once you agree to his conditions, you'll never be able to get out! Just look at Natsume-kun. They work him so hard even though they know his Alice shortens his life every time he uses it. I don't care what he offers to do for us. Your life is more important than my star ranking!" she fumed. Inari sat up and looked at her.
"Thanks, Mikan," she said.
"Anytime, Nari-chan," Mikan grinned.
"What do you want?" she spat.
"You should know, as a member of the Dangerous Class, that it is one of your duties to carry out missions for the academy. By now, you would have been assigned one, but you've been lucky that some of your superiors have been fighting for your rights. I feel that it is time you carry out the responsibilities of a Dangerous Class member and join them on their missions."
Inari glared at the stout man. Who did he think he was? He was practically giving her a death sentence! She crossed her arms and examined him skeptically.
"What's in it for me?" she said.
"You remember Konoe Kyoko, don't you? I mean surely you couldn't have forgotten about your own sister," he smirked. Inari's eyes widened to the size of saucers.
"W-what did you do to her? What did you do to my sister?!" she demanded.
"Don't worry, we haven't done anything to her yet. But tell me, Inari-chan- when was the last time you saw her?" She thought back to her childhood, before her parents discovered her Alice. She remembered playing with her sister all the time, but when she was about seven, Kyoko practically disappeared. At the time, Inari didn't understand what happened. Her mother and father tried everything they could to protect both of their children, but their efforts were practically wasted on the day their youngest daughter was taken from them.
"Where is my sister?! What did you do with Kyo?!" She pounded her fist on the principal's desk.
"Now, now. No need to be so ill-tempered. If you cooperate with me, I might allow you to see her again," he said. Inari furrowed her eyebrows and closed her eyes to think for a minute.
'What should I do? I know he just wants to use me, but I really want to see Kyo! But what if it's a trap? Maybe he won't really let me see her at all.'
"I'll give you a couple days to think about it. If you choose to work for me, I may allow you to see your sister. If not, there may be consequences," he said. "You are excused."
Inari turned to leave the creepy office. She rubbed her temples and sighed a heavy sigh. "Oh, and one more thing. If you decide to accept my offer, I promise to promote your friend, Sakura Mikan, to a three star."
She slammed the door behind her on her way out. Inari frowned. Trading her freedom for her friend's social status didn't seem worth it. She felt kind of selfish for a bit for putting her feelings before others', but she realized that the Elementary Principal wasn't going to use her for anything good. Ruka told her about how they work Natsume to the bone. His missions were hard on his health, and they weren't exactly ordered with good intentions. Besides, Mikan would never want her to do their dirty work to give her extra benefits.
'What should I do, Mikan?' she thought.
xXxXx
"He WHAT?!" Mikan screamed at the top of her lungs. Inari lay on her best friend's bed and stared at the ceiling.
"He really tried to bribe me. I didn't know what to say, Mikan. I don't want them to do anything bad to you or the others, and I would never forgive myself if something happened to Kyo," she said.
"I say no! He'll have you right where he wants you, and once you agree to his conditions, you'll never be able to get out! Just look at Natsume-kun. They work him so hard even though they know his Alice shortens his life every time he uses it. I don't care what he offers to do for us. Your life is more important than my star ranking!" she fumed. Inari sat up and looked at her.
"Thanks, Mikan," she said.
"Anytime, Nari-chan," Mikan grinned.
So I think I'll be continuing with that. It's most likely due to the playlist I made up for when I write this story. I listened to it again, and I remembered why I wanted to write the story. Let's see... this is the list:
1. Halo Theme
2. Broken Wings -Tomoko Tane
3. Broken Wings (piano version)
4. Still For Your Love -Rumania Montevideo (Detective Conan ending theme)
5-8. Songs from the Fruits Basket "Four Seasons: Songs for Ritsuko Okazaki" OST
9. Viva Forever -Spice Girls
10-18. Various songs from the "Voices of a Distant Star" soundtrack
19. Ave Maria -Beyonce
20. Halo -Beyonce
21. Wicked Game -Chris Isaak cover by Adam Gontier of Three Days Grace
I think the only reason the Halo Theme is in there is because I played it in concert band last spring and was obsessed with it for awhile. ^-^;
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