I looked at an old chapter of BTtS today and decided to rewrite it. You know, how I write now. Not when I was 16. (five years ago) These are the results. I still find the content to be lame in itself, but according to one of my friends, this flows a lot better than the original.
I am not sure as to if I'll continue on with this project. I like the idea of the story. I just have no interest in starting from scratch, hence why I just rewrote the chapter with the same things happening, just different style.
I will link to the original to show the difference. Click here.
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DISCLAIMER: I don't own Bleach.
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The song of the cicadas in the warm, early summer began to lull Sayuri to sleep as she walked home from soccer practice with her best friend. She stretched her arms behind her and involuntarily let out a loud yawn.
"You shouldn't stay up so late, Sayuri," Nayuki scolded her.
"I can't help it. I didn't sleep well last night," Sayuri defended. Sleep had not only eluded her last night, but also many nights before. She could blame the lack of sleep on Kon as much as she wanted, but you cannot blame a talking stuffed lion for your mind’s inability to switch “off.” She rubbed her eyes wearily and became slightly thrilled as she saw the street sign that meant she was only a block and a half from home. She could feel a growing soreness in her calves and knees -- a sign that she had neglected her stretching after practice.
“Seriously, if you keep going on like this, your lack of sleep will start to interfere with your health. We can’t have you getting sick when we are so close to the playoffs.” Nayuki poked Sayuri’s cheek as she spoke. She always loved to poke at her like she were a child, mostly due to Sayuri being about 20 centimeters shorter. [1] “Not to mention that exams are coming up soon. If you don’t pull yourself together-”
“Ahhh, no reason to worry about me!” Sayuri interrupted her and swatted her best friend’s hand away, slightly irritated.
“If you’re sure...”
“This is my street. I’ll see you tomorrow, Nayuki,” she dismissed Nayuki’s concern.
"Bye, Sayuri! Tell Ichigo I said hi!" The taller girl waved.
Sayuri opened the door to the house just to dodge a flying kick from her father. “Sayuriiiiiiiiii!!!” Isshin cried at the top of his lungs, only to slam into the front door. Sayuri learned when she entered junior high that all of Isshin’s attacks were scheduled in a specific way according to day of the week, but it took a few hundred kicks to teach her that Fridays were either roundhouse or flying kicks.
"What kind of parent tries to kick their child in the face?” She glared at him and twisted his ears, effectively reducing him to tears. “Stupid old man.”
"Sayuri, my child, I'm afraid there is nothing left for me to teach you," Isshin sobbed proudly and crawled to the giant poster of Masaki in the entryway. "You make your mother and I so proud," he said as he caressed his wife’s laminated cheek. Sayuri really wished he would move that giant poster to a room where she didn’t have to witness him talk to it, like it was a real person. She headed for the kitchen, grabbed a few cookies, and carefully avoided the old man still sobbing to the giant poster on her way to her room. As she began to take her off her sweaty shirt from practice, she was surprised by Kon.
"Yuri-nee!” Sayuri screamed.
“KON! What are you DOING?!” she put her shirt back down and threw him out the door, into the wall across from her bedroom.
“I'm so glad you're home!” he continued despite having the door slammed in his face. “You wouldn't believe what happened. First I tried to run away because Yuzu dressed me up and then the neighbors cat nearly ripped off my arm and then- HEY! Ouch! What do you think you’re doing?!” Sayuri hoped it was Yuzu picking him up to have a tea party with her.
A knock came on Sayuri’s door. “Come in,” she grumbled. She grew irritated when Ichigo walked in the door holding the struggling stuffed lion by the face.
“Does this belong to you?”
“No.” She looked up at him through her bangs, mentally taking note that she needed to get her hair cut soon. Her long, orange hair had grown down to her back since she had last cut it.
“You really shouldn’t be making such a fuss by arguing with him,” Ichigo pointed out. After all, there is nothing stranger than a talking toy, other than someone actually talking back to said toy. Sayuri and Ichigo were already a suspicious pair to many, given their frequent absences and strangely having to run away to take care of some unknown business so often.
“Well maybe he shouldn’t come flying at me when I’m changing!” She glared at the toy.
“Still, you should be more careful.” Sayuri mentally chuckled at Ichigo trying to be the logical one. Suddenly, her phone began to beep. The screen said, “Hollow,” and she immediately grabbed her ginkongan dispenser from the top of her dresser.
"Are you sure you can take care of this one by yourself?” Ichigo caught her hand with the dispenser before she could pop one of the small, round pills in her mouth.
“Stop worrying about me, Ichi-nii! I don’t understand why you think I can’t take care of myself!” Sayuri pulled her hand back away from him, but in doing so, she lost her balance and stumbled onto her bed.
“That’s why, idiot.” His eye twitched in annoyance. He pushed her head back so she would lay down. “Sleep.”
“Don’t do that! It makes me dizzy.”
Ichigo pressed his Shinigami representative badge to his chest, and immediately his body appeared to lose consciousness as his soul form emerged. He jumped out of the window and quickly ran off into the alley, becoming swallowed by dark night. A few minutes later, Sayuri felt the floor shift and saw her furniture shake. Ichigo's reiatsu skyrocketed.
“Why isn’t he done yet?” she thought. As Sayuri mused the possibilities of what could have happened, something rumbled up the steps of the house. It almost sounded like the sound of thunder, but unfortunately, not to her surprise, Isshin burst through the door.
"Sayuri! Sayuri! Are you alright? I'm sorry Daddy left you up here all alone! You can come downstairs with Yuzu, Karin, and I if you're scared!"
"Get out, old man,” she said and kicked him, literally, out of the room. The intensity of her brother’s reiatsu had not yet let up, which began to worry her. Against his instructions, she grabbed the ginkongan dispenser again and swallowed one, to change into her own Shinigami form. A spark lit up her brown eyes, and she jumped out the window toward the source of the concentrated reiatsu. Sayuri became filled with the fighting spirit as she ran into the darkness.
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1. Sayuri is roughly 153 centimeters tall. That’s 5’ by the Imperial system. That makes Nayuki about 173 centimeters, or about 5’9” -about the same height as Ichigo.
Awwwww. I nearly cried when I tried to find this story back in Fanfiction.net. It was my most favorite Bleach story. But I can't wait to see how this re-write of yours will turn out.
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