teenage dreams

I told my quizilla readers, so I thought I'd actually update on this journal.

Hah, what am I saying. This is a diary, AMIRITE?

Anyways, the reason I don't update as of lately.... It's stupid. Really, really stupid. It's not the whole "I'm too lazy to write" or "I hate SOTS so much" thing again.

I kinda sorta... likethisguy. There. I said it. Now, for the stupid part.
I've only ever talked to him online. I know, it's like "how can you have a crush on someone you've never met?" and "That's so dumb! You could end up in a lot of trouble."

Trust me. I've tried to get it out of my head. I know it's not necessarily a good thing, but I can't help it. I just wish he had a little more confidence in himself. He's a real nervous person, worries about the smallest things. Well, so do I, but that's a different story. Right? .........Okay, maybe it's not. Anyways, he's a really sweet guy. I read in one of his old journals (before I started talking to him) where he was thinking about if he were ever a father and what he'd do about discipline when it comes to games.

Now, realize by this time my face was like that "aww, that's so cute" expression. We're both the same age, except I'm like 7 months older or something, and (this is on Red vs Blue.com) I'm his only friend on there. (Only friend in a sense that I'm the only one he's added, and vice versa.) I love it how sometimes he randomly says stuff like "have a good day" or the one time he commented one of the headshots I had put in the yearbook for my senior pictures "Great picture. Can't seem to type "beautiful" without thinking either "creepy" or "stupid." "
Awww ღ^////^ღ

Our whole relationship (if you want to call it that) is based on flirting.

You know, I love talking to him, but this really sucks. I know meeting your spouse or whoever online and staying with them is entirely possible, seeing as my stepdad met my mom on PalTalk (back when AIM and ICQ were cool). He came to the US from Australia just to be with my mom. Fortunately he also lives in the states, so it's not like having to spend 2,000$ on a plane ticket just to get here.

It's not like I'm gonna come right out and say "I wanna meet you" or something like that. That would be.... creepy? I'unno, seems like you should probably at least talk to the person on the phone before you meet in RL. I'm really happy whenever I see he's online though.
Like I said, I wish he weren't so hard on himself. The other day he was beating himself up for telling his boss he wouldn't be able to work 'cause of homework, even though he could've made time for it some other time. Or he was freaking out thinking he'd disappoint everyone he's ever known just by being late to a frat meeting. I just wanna take him by the shoulders and say "it's alright. everything's going to be okay." 'Cause you know we all need to hear that once in awhile. It's like I wanna be there for him, but there's only so much I can do, ya know?

This really really sucks.

I should break myself of this or something, but it's just so hard.

You can prolly stop reading now. Things are going to be cheesy from here on out.

Things that pop into my mind when he's talking to me:
The song Teenage Dream (You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream~)
The message on the sidewalk outside my residence hall that says "You make someone feel special."
Another message that says "You're perfect just the way you are."
Some quote from a french guy that says "Love is being stupid together."

And he makes me laugh, too.
I'm a total klutz, so he kinda jokes about it sometimes. Yesterday, you know, I'm so talented that I tripped UP the stairs. Retwisted my ankle that I sprained last April. Hurts like fucking hell. Now I can't be on the non-competitive tennis team at WIU. I can think of a million reasons why I shouldn't play any sport at all, so he was like "Just trying to play sports deserves a high five, before you sprain your wrist anyways."

If I sprain my wrist I'm blaming Mike.

Damn it, I'm such an idiot sometimes..... ::sigh::